I Want a Husband

I belong to that classification of people known as husbands. I am A Husband. And, not altogether incidentally, I am a father.
Not too long ago, a female friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce. She had one child, who is, of course, with her ex-husband. She is obviously looking for another husband. As I thought about her while I was watching soccer one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would really like to have a wonderful husband, just like she had. Why do I want a husband?

I want a husband who makes me want him over and over again, each time hurting me like before, but it is alright because at least I get to feel wanted. I want a husband who starts balding at the age of fifty, because I find it very attractive and sexy. I want a husband who looks at other women when I am out with him because he will not be bored that way. I want a husband who is never satisfied with one woman because I believe in the saying “the more, the merrier”. I want a husband who is really hairy because I have an undying love for gorillas. I want a husband who wears the same clothes all the time for many days straight because I enjoy routine. I want a husband who always gets drunk because that means he likes letting go and escaping from his problems. Isn’t that a much better solution? I want a husband who thinks that I should always be in the kitchen because that means he thinks highly of my culinary skills. I want a husband who treats me differently in front of his friends and at home because variety is always good. I may get bored if he treats me nicely all the time. I want a husband who is absolutely obsessed with his physique and muscle mass, because the Incredible Hulk would make a really great spouse. I want a husband who is always thinking about sex because that means he exudes masculinity. I want a husband who demands sex as and when he feels like it because that gives me the opportunity to provide him with pleasurable experiences. I want a husband who does not assume any responsibility at all for birth control because I do not think protection is necessary, and I want as many children as possible so that I will be kept busy all the time. I want a husband who only knows how to lie on the couch and watch soccer because that shows that he knows how to de-stress and enjoy life. I want a husband who leaves the house messy all the time because I enjoy packing and cleaning up after him.

I would never be able to find a husband more suitable than the husband I already have. When I am through with school and have a job, I want a husband who will continue working 24/7 and leave me alone at home with the children because I know he is bringing in the cash we need, and work is always topmost priority.

My God, who wouldn’t want a husband?

Done by: Shiyang, Joel, Yan De, Yadi & Chelsia