Miss T is a 21 years-old, newly graduated financier. She just discovered that she is pregnant. The doctor told her that she is 9 weeks into her pregnancy. When she informed her boyfriend about her pregnancy, he asked her to go for an abortion. Miss T is afraid to tell her parents about her pregnancy because she knows that they will strongly disapprove of her premarital sex and abortion due to their religious belief. Miss T was going to embark on her career as a fund manager in a prominent bank. Desperate and anxious, Miss T seeks your advice.
Over to you Aunt / Uncle Agony!
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8 comments:
Reponse to "Non-consensual sex" twist.
Dear Ms T,
I understand that you must be going through a period of distress right now. To have your trust breached in such a manner by someone close to you is not an easy matter. For your sake, I sincerely advise you to discuss this matter with your parents, and seek medical assistance immediately. Your parents are important pillars of support at this moment, and it is imperative that you are able to speak to someone who can help you deal with the trauma of your experience, like a counselor. Also, non-consensual sex is against the law; so if you are comfortable with doing so, report the matter to the police.
As it stands, the pregnancy is now in your hands. What you ultimately choose to do is your choice. There are many options available to you, including keeping the child, putting it up for adoption or terminating it. It is your right to choose which you feel is the most applicable for your situation. Keeping the child might require you to cross a great psychological burden since you were neither prepared nor willing to have it initially. Abortion is a route open to you, but remember: your child is innocent to the act, and has a life as well.
What you can live with is the best choice that you can make for yourself. You’re currently reaching the end of your first trimester, and the decision-making window will not be open much longer before termination becomes a risky option for yourself as well. Don’t cave in to rash actions because this is a serious matter.
I wish you every happiness in the future.
Love,
Aunt Agony
- Zhefei, Timothy, Abby K
Reponse to "Non-consensual sex" twist.
Dear Ms T,
I understand that you must be going through a period of distress right now. To have your trust breached in such a manner by someone close to you is not an easy matter. For your sake, I sincerely advise you to discuss this matter with your parents, and seek medical assistance immediately. Your parents are important pillars of support at this moment, and it is imperative that you are able to speak to someone who can help you deal with the trauma of your experience, like a counselor. Also, non-consensual sex is against the law; so if you are comfortable with doing so, report the matter to the police.
As it stands, the pregnancy is now in your hands. What you ultimately choose to do is your choice. There are many options available to you, including keeping the child, putting it up for adoption or terminating it. It is your right to choose which you feel is the most applicable for your situation. Keeping the child might require you to cross a great psychological burden since you were neither prepared nor willing to have it initially. Abortion is a route open to you, but remember: your child is innocent to the act, and has a life as well.
What you can live with is the best choice that you can make for yourself. You’re currently reaching the end of your first trimester, and the decision-making window will not be open much longer before termination becomes a risky option for yourself as well. Don’t cave in to rash actions because this is a serious matter.
I wish you every happiness in the future.
Love,
Aunt Agony
- Zhefei, Timothy, Abby K
Scenario 2:
What if the pregnancy is due to unwanted sex? E.g. Rape
= How would the decision change?
= Why?
Basically, even if the she did not intend to have sex and it was forced upon her, her options still remain the same. She can either go for abortion, to keep the baby and raise him/her as her own or to give him/her up for adoption. Whichever way it is, the decision still lies in her and nobody can force her to do anything.
However, the difference lies in the fact that there might be more factors that are against her keeping the baby. Firstly, it is due to the fact that the baby might be unwanted. No child should come onto this world being “unwanted”. To her, the baby might be a detestable child, if that is the case; there is no point in keeping the baby. If she is able to see this baby as a gift and as her own flesh and blood and be able to love him/her, she should consider keeping the baby. Thus, acceptance of the baby is required for consideration.
Secondly, the keeping the baby might remind her of her “unhappy” past and she will be constantly suffering from the emotional trauma. If she is unable to put the past behind her and move on, it is not advisable for her to keep the child. In the long run, the stress from being constantly reminded of her unhappy past might cause her to suffer even more and that will only bring more harm to her and the baby.
In any case, she should still discuss her pregnancy with her parents and seek their advice. As her parents, their concern and understanding of the matter would be precious. This is the time where she needs to know that she is loved and cared for and her parents would be able to provide her with this love and care.
Not only so, she will have to consider her situation. Is she able to support the child with her own income or does she needs a lot of help from others? Does she have the time to take care of the child? Is she ready for motherhood, or is she ready to part with the baby? These are all the factors that she must take into consideration regardless of whether the pregnancy is due to unwanted sex.
Rui Ting, Shi Hua, Hong Xiu, Samantha
Scenario 1:
Now, Miss T is underage. How would the decision change and why?
In this case, the options for her are still the same, she can choose to go for abortion or she can choose to keep the baby. It is up to her what she wants to do with the unborn baby. However, since she is underage in this scenario, it is more advisable for her to abort the baby due to many factors such as she is still studying and other related factors.
Due to the fact that she is most probably still studying, keeping the baby would lead to her schoolmates and classmates to view her differently. She might get mocked and laughed at by others and her friends might avoid her. Hence, there is a possibility that she would be emotionally affected. There is also a chance that her studies would be affected due to the pressure she would be receiving in school. Besides, she has to make time to visit the hospital for regular check-ups to make sure that the baby is developing normally and that her body is strong enough to support both the baby and herself. Another factor to consider is that she is still young and definitely does not have the income and financial power to support her baby. Thus, she will have to turn to her parents for financial assistance if she decides to keep the baby.
Secondly, as she is underage, what she has done is considered illegal. Another problem would be her parents who happen to be religious. This would lead a serious problem between Miss T and her parents due to their religion and the sin she has committed. However, the advice to her would be the same which is for her to tell her parents about the situation and make sure that her parents support whatever decision she is making. Her parents are her closest kin and her support will be much needed to tide her through this period.
Lastly, she should talk to her boyfriend again and make sure that they face the problem together even though the boyfriend might not be able to do anything much. The advice given to her will not change much as her family is a religious one and it does not matter if she is underage a not, it is something that is disapproved of. Nevertheless, it would be more likely to persuade her to abort the baby due to the many problems and pressure she will have to face if she decides to keep the baby.
Rui Ting, Shi Hua, Hong Xiu, Samantha
Pregnancy resulting from rape/incest:
Even though pregnancy resulting from rape or incest is a morally reprehensible crime, abortion is still unjustified in these cases. Having undergone intense trauma after the rape, it would be insensitive to ask the victim to agree to undergo another trauma, that is, to abort the fetus. By aborting the child, it would only leave her in more misery as it may only upset her further with the memory that she has ‘killed her child’. Moreover, since majority of the trauma would stem from the rape experience instead of the pregnancy, she should thoroughly consider the available options before making her decisions as it involves not just her own interest, but that of the fetus as well. If she is unable you support the baby, placing the child up for adoption is a viable alternative.
That being said, however, rape implies that the intercourse was against her consent. The assumption that she probably does not want the baby will probably follow through with this as well. The resultant baby, though arguably a human being in his own right, will only serve to remind the mother of her traumatic experience, and there is even the off-chance that his or her father’s delinquent behavior will rub off onto them. As such, it can be seen that abortion may be the way to go for this instance.
Pregnancy under the age of eighteen:
Considering that Miss T is only 15 years old, it is most probable that she is still a student in secondary school and the career as a fund manager would probably not apply to her. It is likely that both Miss T and her boyfriend (assumed to be about the same age) would be feeling very anxious, and it is probable that they would not be able to make the right decisions seeing as they are still inexperienced with regards to such matters. As such, I would definitely recommend her to have a good talk with her parents, instead of simply listening to her boyfriend’s advice because abortion is a serious matter that requires both financial and emotional support for Miss T herself. Family members should discuss the consequences of abortion at such a young age, as well as whether the family has the ability to keep the baby, since it is likely that Miss T herself can raise the child single-handedly at such a young age.
Having a child at such a young and tender age may have negative reverberations on her and her boyfriends’ future career options, and may also strain their relationship, given the responsibilities of parenting and their relatively immature age.
Done by: Sabrina, Nicholas, Eugene, Ivan, Vionna 09S07A
(Non-consensual sexual intercourse)
Dear Miss T,
In this case, you were entirely unprepared for this pregnancy, and hence it would be unfair for people to expect you to keep the baby as it serves as a painful reminder of your traumatic experience.
However, if you still feel obliged to give this child a chance at life - after all it too, is a human being - you must bear the following in mind:
1. The birth of this child would cause you to have an unwanted emotional bond to its father - a burden that you would have to carry with you as long as the child is alive.
2. It may be difficult for you to be as good a mother as you can be as the hurt & emotional distress may not go away, and manifest itself in the form of you taking it out on the child.
3. Bringing up a baby is physically and financially demanding, and you would have to take on the responsibility of raising the child on your own.
4. The child will be fatherless, and even should you marry, there will always be a rift that separates the child from experiencing the true joy of having a father in his/her life.
5. Furthermore, the child may be ashamed of his/her background, and may be teased in school during early ages. Choosing to hide the truth from your child is not an option as you two should maintain a close and open relationship.
Therefore, I beseech you to abort this child, as even though it is a life, bringing it into this world would only make lives - yours, the child's and even the people around you - more miserable.
Take care & do bring this matter up to this police. Justice must be served.
All my love,
Aunt Agony
(Ewen Chong, Goh Ying Ying, Abigail Ho, Jonathan Neo, Toh Xue Qian [09S07A])
a) if she's 15:
Dear Miss T,
First of all, you would have to let your parents know about your situation. Despite their disapproval of premarital sex, there is nothing you can do to change the fact that you did engage in premarital sex. Moreover, as you have not reached the age of 16, it is actually illegal for you to engage in sexual intercourse, whether it was consensual or not. Hence, you should definitely tell them the truth because they are after all your family.
You have two options: to keep or to abort the baby.
Should you abort your child, you would not have to live with the burden of taking care of your child, and therefore would have no hindrance in chasing your dream of working in the bank. In addition, you would be fulfilling your boyfriend's request to go for an abortion. However, you would be running the risk of never being able to bear a child again, and would be challenging your parents' beliefs.
Alternatively, you could choose to follow through with the pregnancy and put the baby up for adoption. You can do so through professional help, for example, through the Babes programme run by Beyond Social Services, which was set up specifically to assist teen mothers. You would not be facing the above-mentioned risk, and you still would not have to live with the burden of working and raising the child alone.
I hope that you will give this careful thought as this could be a turning point in your life. The consequences are inevitable, but you could make the best of the situation with your decision. I wish you all the best in making a good decision for yourself and I hope that in future, you would learn from this mistake.
All The Best,
Aunt Agony <3
Done by: Christian, Yu Wen, Edith, Yiksin 09S07A
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